im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
