im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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