My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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