bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
