the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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