She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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