And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Can Purell be used as lube?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I want her autograph on my taint
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
