I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Threesome in a minivan. New low
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
