I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
