I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
i think we sleep fucked last night...
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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