I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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