I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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