Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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