I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
