I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
