it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
