Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
