i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
