i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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