I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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