perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
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