all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
