Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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