When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
