Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
