i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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