he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
