nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
