i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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