My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
