I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Where is the hickey?
where am i from again
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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