We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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