The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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