Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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