Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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