Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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