I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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