id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
