Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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