My underwear smells like fireworks.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
