I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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