Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
