you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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