Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
