Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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