He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
