tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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