I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
