Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
