i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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